DAVOS (The Borowitz Report)—In a much-praised resolution to a roiling diplomatic crisis, on Wednesday Denmark offered Donald J. Trump “full ownership” of a room in an assisted living facility in Greenland. The deal was orchestrated by French President Emmanuel Macron and Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney, who were seen high-fiving moments after Trump signed the admission form. Speaking to reporters, Carney said that Trump’s new home was actually located in Iceland, not Greenland, but added, “We’re pretty sure he doesn’t know the difference.” For his part, President Macron acknowledged that the agreement represented a compromise, noting, “Our first choice was an ice floe.” The Borowitz Report is published thanks to the support of readers like you. © 2026 Andy Borowitz |